Single in Cincy Girl lives, plays, and dates in Cincinnati. In her column, she chronicles her experiences in the Jewish Cincy single's scene!
This is my favorite of the e-stories I’ve collected: how E-Calamity decided that I would be a perfect match with this guy who used to ride bicycles professionally is beyond me. What part of my profiles says sports, exactly? Fiction, yes. Music, yes. Really dark sense of humor, absolutely. Even a mild egotistical streak (I am a Scorpio after all), but sports? I have been known to enjoy a live game of whatever…but it’s not my strongest asset.
Have I been on a bicycle last ten years? Once. I remember being in Colorado, at some astronomically high altitude, and then getting off because I was too dizzy to stay upright. The truth is that since I had to part with my Huffy after the seventh-grade growth-spurt, I haven’t felt right with another bicycle. Maybe it’s still too soon.
At any rate, after filling out this tremendously long survey about myself that I don’t think was terribly accurate (how do they find out how often I change my mind if they only have me fill out the survey once?), the site emails me about a guy in Arizona. We’ll call him “Eric.” We go through all the safe-not-yet-ready-to-actually-interact part. We email back and forth some, and I have my girlfriends look at his on-line pictures to see what they think.
Things seem to be going well. And the day before we exchange private email addresses, my membership expires. Now this is not a cheap site; we’re talking $60 per month. So I gather up all the information I know about Eric: his hobbies, his work, his stint in professional bicycling. And I try to find him online. I figure that the one thing I know for sure is what he looks like—I’ve seen the picture.
I spend three days e-stalking this guy, and I all find out was that at some point he had a girlfriend who made him sign up for an electronic social group in Arizona. I stew and stew. If I were Eric, I’d want to know why this girl had stopped emailing me all of a sudden. Does e-misHarmony let the other person know he’s not a jerk, the girl’s just cheap? So I signed up…again. I told him about the stalking bit. He seemed flattered and sent me his phone-number. Things are looking up.
And then he got sick, or so he said. I called…you know, to see how he was doing…twice (maybe three times, but I think I dialed the wrong number once). He wrote once and then stopped writing. I called again. Why? I’m a secure, attractive, only mildly obsessive woman who has very little interest in ex-pro-bikers, and yet something has compelled me to lose my mind and track down this man like an animal (I like hunting less than biking). Is this what my profile says about me?! So I deleted any trace of Eric that had ever existed—from my e-Cacophony account to his phone-number from my cell.
I spent $60 to find out that I’m kinda creepy in e-situations. Fantastic. Can’t a girl just get a good set-up anymore (with resumé and recommendations, please)? Even so…I e-tried e-gain.
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